(Mine, that is, not the hamsters)
"Could you do the hamsters tonight, dear? I'm very tired". Could you lift that sack of hamster mix, load the cars for the show, carry that sawdust into the house? You never know what might happen if I over exert myself." Oh dear - can't fit judging coat around midriff!
"Has she gone to sleep? Shall we take the baby alarm down to the cellar?" (Our hamsters reside in a basement cellar accessed from outside the house). "Are you going back up or shall I? Now she's woken up." Always timed, or so it seemed, for halfway through the hamster feeding session. Oh look - baby milk tins make ideal containers for hamsters to be transported in when sold. No problem at shows - baby happy to sleep most of the time - problem fitting everything into car - large push chair, bag with changes of clothes, nappies, fluffy toys etc, competing with display boards, hire pens and hamsters.
Baby crawling - suddenly you realise how dirty the floors are at show venues and that the table arrangements mean that whilst child can crawl underneath the tables mummy and daddy have a quick sprint round the tables to effect a recapture. Decide next time to dress child in dirt coloured clothing and investigate possibility of bringing travel cot along as play pen (but have to balance reduction in wandering with even less space in boot).
Went for a large estate - plenty of room for travel cot and all hamster club things!
Still liable to go down on all fours to get under tables, but new problems have arisen. Child's head is now correct height to hit tables, and fingers can reach hamster show cages - now have to take antiseptic cream and plasters and convince yourself child is not a haemophiliac - this amount of blood is perfectly normal for small hamster nip! Children will learn not to do things that hurt them won't they? Child also able to push doors open and escape. Contemplate obtaining one of those long dog leads with a rewind facility - opt instead to train husband to 'fetch'.
Spend a lot of time saying "hamster", "no", "don't touch", when at shows. Child also able to pick hamster cages up and walk off with them. Starting to colour so can keep her amused for a while at least with felt pens and paper. Remember second time around that washable felt pens are available now.
"Mummy, I want to hold a hamster." "Mummy, I want a sweet." "Are we there yet?" "Mummy, I want to play."-- Desperately start checking the final part of the route to the show for playgrounds. Learn to dread those words - "can you carry me", when you then need to load and unload the car one-handed. Have now run out of baby milk tins. Bribe childminder to use her contacts to obtain new supply.
Allow child to "choose" and keep hamster you were going to keep anyway. Grit your teeth and say cheerfully "Goldy. What a lovely name". Teach her how to open and close cage safely and that "Goldy" needs food and water.
Try to explain why Goldy has to stay in his cage for a while. Goldy won! Child with rosette attached to chest proudly carries Goldy around the show.
Decide to be matter-of-fact about life and death and let child choose another hamster - eventually to take Goldy's place. Explain why hamster 2 cannot also be called Goldy. Say how nice the name "Freddy" is. Explain that Goldy and Freddy cannot be friends and would fight if put together.
Explained the sad news for which we had prepared her and that Goldy had been buried. News accepted with sadness but no great trauma. Realised that perhaps we had been too matter of fact when a few days later she asked if we could dig Goldy up to look at his bones like they did with dinosaurs. Explained this was not possible.
Realised the whole cycle was going to repeat itself and wondered if it would be easier second time around.
No, it isn't easier second time around. There are now two children to two adults. With child number one there was only one child to two adults - we had double the resources before!
You will now realise when you see us at shows why we arrive late looking harassed, continually scan the room for the whereabouts of the children rather than concentrating on who we are talking to and rush off in the middle of conversations. Those of you that don't know us will probably recognise us in future from the above description
Anne Dray is married with two children, Amanda and Peter, and lives in Sheffield, England. She was instrumental in the founding of the British Hamster Association in 1992 and is an experienced Syrian and Dwarf hamster Judge in the UK.